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There’s no avoiding it – now and then we all face conflicts. Whether within your FFA chapter, among your friends or in your own mind, conflict is a natural part of life. And the sooner you learn how to handle it, the better off you’ll be.
“Everyone has conflicts, no matter how smart or cool they are,” says Annie Stanfield-Hagert, a psychotherapist and social worker based in Philadelphia. “Smart people accept this, learn what they can about themselves, and then control how they act.”
Common conflicts with teens include external things such as physical and verbal fights among friends or arguments between teens and their parents. Inner conflicts are also common among teens – maybe you’re struggling to fit in, you don’t feel attractive enough, or you’re stressed about schoolwork or making college plans.
The best way to deal with conflicts when they rear their ugly heads? Keep your emotions in check.
Maybe you didn’t get the FFA chapter office you wanted or the lead in the school play you auditioned for. Both scenarios could trigger jealousy or hurt pride. But once you recognize that those feelings exist, the conflict becomes easier to deal with.
“Figure out what to do with the feeling. Think it through, and then decide what action is in your best interest,” Hagert says. “Learn to collaborate, negotiate or compromise. It’s good for people to learn to identify their feelings and then decide on behavior. You’ll get better and better at doing it.”
Dr. Bridget Melson, a teen psychotherapist based in Pleasanton, Calif., suggests that you consider these tips when faced with conflict.
1. Calm down
Ask yourself this: Do you want to be respected by your peers or known as the guy or girl with the unpredictable hot temper?
2. Identify the issue
Determine why it’s such a problem. Is it about disliking an individual, or do you feel an injustice has been done? Identifying the issue is an important step.
3. Talk it out
Express yourself appropriately, and let others do the same.
Place yourself in the other person’s shoes. Can you see their perspective?
4. Meet in the middle
Sometimes it’s best to look for common ground. This is how we learn empathy – the ability to share and understand another’s point of view. Find a solution that’s accepted by all.
Compromising is great training for life.
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The National FFA Organization is dedicated to making a positive difference in the lives of students by developing their potential for premier leadership, personal growth and career success through agricultural education. Visit ffa.org